funniest lines i’ve ever heard

As they say so, laughter is the best medicine. But what if those laughs make you stumble to death? What will you do? Beware guys this article is about those funniest lines that I’ve ever heard so laugh well!

Laughing.premie

Have you seen the deer heads on the walls of bars, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers? I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time …

-- Ellen DeGeneres

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
-- Jeff Foxworthy

I’m on that diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That’s a good diet. I lost ten pounds and my driver’s license.
-- Larry the Cable Guy

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
-- Emo Phillips

Garbagemen come at 5 a.m. Why? They’re picking up garbage. It’s not going to go bad again.
-- Dave Attell

I will clean house when Sears makes a vacuum you can ride on.
-- Roseanne

LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Mexico. LEGO employees say it’s their fault because they made the factory too easy to take apart and rebuild somewhere else.
-- Conan O’Brien

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed.
-- Mitch Hedberg

You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.
-- Bob Hope

I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, “I’d like some fries.” The girl at the counter said, “Would you like some fries with that?”
-- Jay Leno

I constantly walk into a room and I don’t remember why. But for some reason, I think there’s going to be a clue in the fridge.
-- Caroline Rhea

Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
-- George Carlin

You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18. By the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.
-- Robin Williams

-LIFE is BUSY. But I make sure that I find myself the time to meditate, to travel, to have fun and to SUPER laugh!! :)